I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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