I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
