my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
