The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
