I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
