You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
