She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
