do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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