Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
