just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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