first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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