Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
