i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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