Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
