It's like God shit irony all over that family
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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