Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.

Fav 58 6059 980
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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

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(817): View more from Texas

HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.

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(469): View more from Texas

FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.

Fav 19 4022 1571
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(443): View more from Maryland

When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight

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(248): View more from Michigan

Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's

(313): View more from Michigan

I hope that wasn't done on billed time

(248): View more from Michigan

I can guarantee that it was

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.

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