Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My dick has a subreddit
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
