Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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