I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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