Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
