How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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