I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
