i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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