Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
