I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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