This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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