You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
