and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
