I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
