hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
