Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
