So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
