Will you blow on my dice?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Found the puke drawer
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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