he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
