I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
