I need help removing her.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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