I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I FOUND THE LEGS
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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