a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
why do cheetos always look like penises
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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