Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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