just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
