dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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