I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
