i used baking grease as lip gloss
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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