I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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