well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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