i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
