Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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