Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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