Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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