Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
